We must train our children, but parents can’t control how they respond to our efforts.

Psychiatrist Paul Meier says three things influence how people mature: genetics, the environment and personal choices. That’s why some adults from difficult backgrounds grow up well adjusted while others from healthy homes lead disastrous lives. We cannot — and should not — take complete responsibility for how our children turn out. That burden ultimately rests with them, not us.

As a result, Betsy should forgive herself for the mistakes she made raising Kathy and realize that she can be an excellent parent for Amber. In fact, many people find grand parenting easier than parenting because the temperament of the grandchild is often completely different from the child’s.

In any case, the good news for single grandparents is that you can raise your grandchildren single-handedly. Here’s how:

Deal with the child’s hurt. One of Betsy’s greatest challenges may be dealing with Amber’s pain. Betsy should allow her granddaughter to express her anger, disappointment and sorrow for Kathy’s behavior. At the same time, Betsy needs to tell Amber some positive things about Kathy to help her granddaughter not see her mother as a monster. Betsy can offer Amber the love and stability that she needs to deal with her pain.

Don’t fret about the age difference. Despite Betsy’s concerns, all children have the same needs. They need to know that they are loved, accepted and wanted. They need verbal and physical affection. They need loving authorities in their life, people to give them counsel, set boundaries and hold them accountable. They need someone to share God’s love with them. Age is no stumbling block for meeting these basic needs.

Be their parent, not their buddy. Many grandparents mistakenly try to relate to their grandchildren on a peer level. But what children really need is a parental figure who meets their emotional and spiritual needs. Daily prayer times, firm discipline and unwavering support will help do the job.

Get support. Betsy needs to tap into a group of believers who can help her handle this difficult job. In her case, this shouldn’t be too hard; Betsy regularly attends church, and she meets two friends from her Sunday school class for lunch every week. These get-togethers can provide the encouragement she needs to continue raising Amber on her own. In addition, Betsy should ask church members for help with practical needs, such as baby-sitting, parenting advice and household repairs.

Ask God for wisdom. Finally, when worry creeps in, Betsy should turn to the Lord in prayer. According to James 1:5, she won’t be disappointed: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

While single grandparents face some different issues from those of their younger peers, the need to trust God remains the same. Invite the Lord into your struggles, and He will give you the strength to handle them.