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Relationship Topics
Dialogue The Key to Family Harmony
Dialogue Is Not Discussion
Theres a big difference between dialogue and discussion. Ideally, dialogue is free of conflict and disagreement. It is a chance for a child and a parent to give honest answers and not have to worry about being disagreed with. Discussion, on the other hand, allows for disagreement.
Ideally, dialogue is free of conflict and disagreement.
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During dialogue some differing views may arise, but they are merely to be considered different rather than a source of disagreement.
- Different ways to think about something
- Different ways to perceive something
In contrast, discussion focuses on the disagreement in order to work toward agreement.
Dialogue will occasionally expose differences in some area where agreement is critical, such as on an important aspect of moral behavior. But work on these differences at another time, long after the safer dialogue. Your child may have changed his or her mind by that time.
In any case, you do not want dialogue to be dangerous. Therefore, it is not the time or place to resolve differences through discussion, which may become confrontational. Usually days, weeks and months can pass before solid agreement has to be reached.
Even then, dialogue should get first shot at resolving differences. This way a solution can be found without conflict. Since disagreements are often the result of saying the same thing in a different way, asking a number of why questions will often reveal agreement rather than what was first thought to be disagreement.
In other cases, all these why questions will help you understand the difference and open doors to cooperative compromise or another peaceful resolution.
— Dick Wulf, MSW, LCSW
Dick Wulf is a professional Christian counselor, psychotherapist and clinical social worker with over 37 years of experience. Formerly the program director of the Pikes Peak Mental Health Center in Colorado Springs, Dick is the author of Find Yourself Give Yourself and the Family Conversation Tool Kits.
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