Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions
Q. We hear so much about mothers being depressed and unable to accept the empty nest when the kids leave home. In our family, however, it was Dad who took it hard. He went into a tailspin for more than a month. Is this unusual?
Why do men sometimes take the empty nest so hard? One of the chief explanations is regret.
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A. No, it happens very commonly. In a recent study, 189 parents of college freshmen were asked to report their feelings when their son or daughter left home. Surprisingly, the fathers took it harder than the mothers.
That resistance to the empty nest was the theme of the movie Father of the Bride, which was a hilarious and touching tribute to the love of a father for his daughter. When George, the dad, sat across from his daughter at the dinner table and learned that she was engaged, he took the news hard. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had to clear his vision when he saw his daughter as a baby girl, and then as a 10-year-old tomboy, and finally as a beautiful young woman of 18. His little girl had grown up so quickly, and now she was leaving home. He would never again be the main man in the life of his precious daughter, and there was grieving to be done.
Why do men sometimes take the empty nest so hard? One of the chief explanations is regret. They have been so busy — working so hard — that they let the years slip by almost unnoticed. Then suddenly they realize it is too late to build a relationship with the child who is leaving home forever.
For those of you who still have children or teenagers at home, take a moment regularly to enjoy your remaining time together. Those days will be gone in the blink of an eye.
— Dr. James Dobson
This article was adapted from Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide by Dr. James Dobson with the permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Copyright 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
