“I’m strange? Right. You’ve got that right, Holly.”

Believe it or not, as out of it as we parents are, as weird as we are, we are the key in building our teen’s self-esteem and stabilizing that rocky road called adolescence. We do make a difference — a great difference.

One way we build our teen’s confidence is by helping her find an area where she can develop skill and competence. For some kids that’s being in 4-H or playing in the band or running track or working a part-time job. When teens find a positive area to identify with in life where they can grow and exercise skill, they start to believe in themselves.

Another way we help our teens have healthy self-esteem is by taking time out to listen to them and embrace them. When teens have this connection with their parents, they are more likely to resist peer pressure because they know they have a place at home where their viewpoints and feelings are valued. For example, a girl who feels like she belongs to her family and receives healthy affection from her dad is the most least likely person to feel like she has to prove something sexual to her adolescent boyfriend.

The opposite is true for the teen who does not have connection with his parents. For instance, when a son feels as though his mother dislikes him, studies show that he’s more likely to become peer dependent. And the one thing you don’t want your son to be is peer dependent.

When your sons and daughters feel like they belong to your family, they have absolutely no psychological reason whatsoever to engage in any adverse behavior. Teenagers want us involved in their lives even if they don’t act like it.