In those days, parental authority typically stood like a great shield against the evils in what was called “the world.” Anything perceived as unwholesome or immoral was kept outside the white picket fence simply by willing it to stay put. Fortunately, the surrounding community was helpful to parents. Even adults outside the family saw it as their civic responsibility to protect children from anything that could harm them, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually. Most of these townsfolk were probably acquainted with the children’s parents, so it was easier for them to intervene. This support system didn’t always do the job, of course, but it was generally effective.

Considering how the world has changed, it is doubly important to build relationships with our kids and work through conflicts. You can no longer get them past the predators in the wider world by simply relying on rules. It still makes sense to prohibit harmful or immoral behavior, but those prohibitions must be supplemented by an emotional closeness that makes children want to do what is right.

They must know that you love them unconditionally and that everything you require of them is for their own good. Building relationships with children does not require large amounts of money. Author and professor Dr. Howard Hendricks once asked his grown children what they remembered most fondly from their childhood. Was it the vacations they took or the trips to theme parks or the zoo? “No,” they answered. It was when Dad got on the floor and wrestled with his son. It was when Dad gave butterfly kisses to his daughter. It was when Mom and Dad would hug each other because they were still in love and had a healthy marriage. The most meaningful activities in the family are often those simple interactions that build lasting connections between generations.

— Dr. James Dobson