What we say to our children always needs to be carefully weighed. Here are some of the most common forms of verbal abuse.
Belittling (saying things that cause another person to seem unimportant):
- Can’t you button that coat right? You never get anything right.
- I can’t believe you did that with your hair! You look like an idiot.
- When are you going to learn to throw a decent pitch? Maybe if you had some decent muscles, you’d do better.
Name-calling (using offensive names, especially to win an argument or to communicate rejection or condemnation without objective consideration of the facts):
- Only a complete dummy would fail to pass that test.
- I’ve never seen such a useless kid.
- Close your mouth and quit acting like such a jerk.
- You are such a mistake.
Comparing (suggesting that one person doesn’t measure up to another):
- Why can’t you be more like your brother?
- I never had as much trouble with your sister.
Cursing (using profanity)
Shaming (implying that the other person is essentially unworthy of love):
- I don’t even want people to know you’re my kid.
- You’re no good.
Threatening (implying physical violence):
- I’d like to wring your neck.
- I’m going to kill you.
Guilt (manipulating by accusing a person of malice):
- How could you do this to me?
- I guess you like hurting your little brother.
Negative predictions (making verbal comments — marked by hostility, withdrawal or pessimism — that hinder or oppose constructive response or development):
- You will never amount to anything.
- You’ll disappoint us just like your sister did.
- You’ll never change.
- Why bother trying? You’ll probably mess it up like always.
Scapegoating (blaming others for one’s mistakes and failures):
- I wouldn’t have to yell so much if you kids acted better.
- You’re the only reason I’m stuck at home and miserable.
Adapted from She’s Gonna Blow by Julie Ann Barnhill
