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Relationship Topics
Healthy Friendships
The Cootie Phenomenon
I remember my very first friend. His name was Chris, and we were almost the same age. Because our mothers were friends, the two of us spent hours together as infants and toddlers. I had no idea that boys had cooties until I started kindergarten. Although Chris had been my best friend up to that point, we rarely spent much time together after we started school; I couldn’t risk getting cooties.
Unfortunately, the cootie phenomenon never quite goes away. It just shifts. As years go by, children tend to choose their friends based on classmates’ achievements, athletic abilities, appearance and social status. If Katlyn correctly answers most of the discussion questions, she’s a snob. If Karlie wears mismatched clothes, she’s a geek. If Jacob’s dad drives an old beater, he’s a loser.
Likewise, Megan becomes friends with Hannah because they sit near each other in class, wear similar clothes and score well on math tests. They don’t talk to Allison because she keeps a messy desk, wears hand-me-downs and gets A’s on her spelling tests. Unless influenced more objectively, children make their friends based on the cootie phenomenon — by association.
In many ways, my mom helped me establish friendships — by arranging for me to get together with other children my age, and by nurturing my self-confidence.
For example, one of my best friends to this day I met when I was 6 years old. She was a year ahead of me in school, so we had no interaction there. But we would get together two or three times a week after school, overnight or on weekends. What started out as mutual indifference turned into a compatible, long-lasting alliance.
— Carolynne Holmes
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