The Essentials of a Healthy Home

Disagreements will inevitably rise between a husband and wife, but how they decide to handle the conflict will greatly influence the way their children will respond to tense situations. While there are some sensitive topics that parents should discuss after the children are tucked into bed, it is crucial to model healthy conflict resolution to them.

When kids see that their parents take the time to listen to each other and express their thoughts in a respectful tone — even when they don’t agree with the other person’s viewpoint — children learn that their opinions are valuable and that they can voice them in a safe environment.

It’s healthy for family members to have the platform to share their perspectives freely without having to worry that they will be verbally attacked. When parents grow hostile or start accusing one another, children often feel that their home is unstable — and they learn to handle conflict with insults and uncontrolled anger.

Keep generational boundaries in mind when you are tempted to use one of your kids during an argument. Do not try to sway your children to take your side by speaking negatively about the other parent. While you may temporarily win them over to you, they will lose respect for you in the long run when they’re old enough to recognize that the argument took priority over their best interests.

If one of your children is in the habit of interrupting disagreements or trying to intervene, remind him that the discussion is Mom and Dad’s responsibility. In these cases, it can be helpful to take the child to another room and set up an activity for him to work on, letting him know that Mom and Dad are going to close the office or bedroom door so they can talk about a matter privately.

Stop any family discussion once you start to sense that the tension is mounting. Going into separate rooms for a breather can keep the situation from escalating. Wait for approximately 20 minutes before reuniting, and then join hands, asking God to clear your minds and help you to focus on the solution.

Reassure your children — if they seem worried — that Mom and Dad have the situation under control, and consider continuing the discussion at another time. Taking these steps teaches children how to resolve their own conflict and models to them that relationships built on respect are more valuable than winning an argument.

— Traci Pedone

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On This Topic

• Introduction • The Vitamin of Peace • Keeping the Peace • The Vitamin of Time • Quality Time Vs. Quantity Time • The Vitamin of Truth • Tell Me a Story • The Vitamin of Example • Living the Example • The Vitamin of Affirmation • Simple Ways to Affirm • Building Self-Esteem • The Vitamin of Faith • Winning Through Faith • Say Your Prayers • The Vitamin of Affection • The Vitamin of Discipline