Soon after we started karate we sat down together with our instructor for a talk.

"You're not tattling if you go to the teacher for help," our instructor said. "You need to decide that one way or another, you don't have to tolerate being treated like that. I want you to avoid fights, but you don't have to let these guys pick on you, either."

With prayer, a few meetings with the school's principal and our instructor's encouragement, Sam soon worked his way through the situation. More on that later.

Self-defense was the only benefit I really had in mind when Sam started, but I discovered it was the least of the benefits martial arts had to offer:

• Self-discipline. Imagine trying to get a bunch of 6-, 7-, and 8-year-olds to stand at attention like a squad of Marines. How about getting them to do a daily list of chores and submit a weekly checklist?
  
  We demand this and more from the kids who study with us — and since children tend to achieve what's expected of them, we usually get it. They learn quickly to listen, pay attention, sit still, apply themselves and other skills. Sam's as energetic as any other 8-year-old, but he's able to concentrate and stick with a task to a degree many adults would envy.
  
  Recently Sam and I were practicing at home together on a particularly complex series of movements with the bo (a wooden staff). Without any prompting from me, Sam worked at it for more than two hours until he'd mastered it. And that same perseverance and attention to detail is showing up in his schoolwork and chores as well.

• Confidence. Martial arts training, belt testing and tournaments are so challenging that kids who face them come away with loads of confidence to apply in other areas. I've especially enjoyed watching this bear fruit in Sam's life:
  
  We teach students to shake hands and introduce themselves to new students and visiting parents. Sam has taken this practice to heart; he'll walk up to anyone, stick out his hand and say, "Hello! My name is Sam; what's yours?" Sometimes he's so bold about this people don't know how to react!
  
  Anytime we're somewhere there are people Sam doesn't know, he begins working the room like a veteran politician. In minutes he knows everyone and everyone knows him. He's also relaxed and confident in situations that cause many kids to freeze up: Speaking to people in authority, answering the phone, ordering at a restaurant, asking for help at a store, etc. When new, shy kids arrive at Sunday school, Sam's teachers invariably buddy them up with Sam — he introduces them to his friends and gets them relaxed and involved in minutes.

• Respect. Trash talk, mouthing off to officials, foul language and the like have, sadly, trickled down from professional sports into college and even high school sports. We won't tolerate anything like it, though. We insist that our students treat one another, the instructors and their families with respect — and our instructors check up on it, too. Students can't take belt tests unless their parents and schoolteachers sign statements saying they're respectful at home and at school. Since Sam started karate, I've heard more pleases, thanks yous, Sirs and Ma'ams from him than I'd hear anywhere this side of a military school.

• Fitness. GameBoy, the Internet, TV and other passive entertainment is turning our kids into a nation of couch potatoes. Children who study martial arts aren't among them, though. For Sam's last belt test he had to, in quick succession: jump rope for three minutes; do 25 push-ups and 30 sit-ups; do numerous sets of military crawls across the room; demonstrate mastery of self-defense material; and do nearly an hour of sparring and grappling — a grueling three-hour workout altogether. He passed with flying colors, thanks to the cardiovascular and aerobic benefits of our class warmups.

• Relationship building. Many parents cheer their kids on in a sport. I help teach at our karate school; many parents teach or officiate in their kids' sports as well.
  
  But how many parents get to practice and compete in the same sport with their kids? Sam and I go to class together, we practice at home together, we go to tournaments together and we cheer each other on during competitions and belt tests.
  
  Our shared challenges, successes and failures are more than precious memories; they're strengthening our relationship against the pressures of the world and the inevitable stresses of Sam's upcoming adolescence. Husbands and wives, parents and kids, siblings — whole families can enjoy the martial arts together just as Sam and I do.

• Self-defense. I alluded to this earlier: Self-defense is about 1 percent physical skill. The other 99 percent is a combination of attitude and brains — the courage and confidence to stand up to bullying or violence and the wisdom to foresee and avoid it.
  
  A few weeks after Sam started studying martial arts, he also started going to his teacher whenever the bullies in his class tried to pick on him. Finally one of them confronted him on the playground, accusing Sam of getting him in trouble. Sam stepped aside, said, "I don't want to fight you," and simply walked away from the astonished bully.
  
  Sam had been in karate for only a few weeks; his physical skills were almost nonexistent. But my 6-year-old son had already gained the self-control to keep his temper when teased and the confidence to withstand peer pressure and avoid an unnecessary fight. The bullies left him alone after that.

I've found martial arts to be a tool that shapes my son's character much more than his body or skills.

— Greg Hartman