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Development Topics
Talking to Your Child About Pornography
Talking to Your Teen
If your child is already in his or her teens and you weren't able to lay the foundations of healthy sexuality earlier in his or her life, you will still need to talk about this important issue.
Don't buy into the deception that "it's too late" or "I don't have any influence over my teen anymore."
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Don't buy into the deception that "it's too late" or "I don't have any influence over my teen anymore." You do have influence and God calls parents to this role!
Statistics indicate that nearly all teens have been or will be exposed to pornography. Bringing up this topic may seem embarrassing for you and your teenager, but it is still vital that you discuss it.
When dealing with your teen's exposure to pornography, it's important to first assess when and how he or she was exposed, and then what the damage of that exposure might have been.
- Personal exposure - Find out if your teen has ever seen pornography. Ask when it happened (how old he or she was) and where it happened.
- Community exposure - Ask your teen whether pornography is a topic of conversation among his or her friends and schoolmates.
- Ongoing exposure - Find out if your teen continues to be exposed to pornography; this could be online at a friend's house or at school.
- Effects of exposure - Ask your teen if he or she feels the need to continue looking at pornography. Find out how strong this drive is. While most healthy teens may have frequent sexual thoughts, ask if your teen has noticed a change in how he or she looks at classmates, or whether sexual thoughts seem to be persistent.
- Harm of exposure - Find out how much your teen knows about the harmful effects of pornography. Make sure to explain how it alters the viewer's perception of normal (or healthy) sexuality, about God's design for sexual intimacy, and even how it changes people's views about whether rape is a crime and diminishes compassion for assault victims. Reference the emerging research that shows harm to the brain similar to that of cocaine users.
If your older child or teen has been exposed to pornography, you may need to take additional steps to address the damage and prevent further exposure. For teens that may be addicted to pornography, more intensive intervention and counseling is needed.
Here are some examples for what to say when talking to your child about sexuality.
Related Articles
More advice about talking to your teens about sexuality.
— by Daniel Weiss
Daniel Weiss is senior analyst for media and sexuality at Focus on the Family.
Do you have thoughts, questions, advice on this topic? Post your stories and comments in the forum for other parents to respond to. Enter the forum now.
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