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Development Topics
Talking to Your Child About Pornography
Discussing Deviations from God's Design with Younger Children
It may be tempting to postpone any talk of pornography until your child is "old enough" to understand what it is;
Chances are, even your younger children may already know what pornography is...
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however, with more children using computers and going on the Internet at younger ages, exposure to harmful images is a near certainty. Sadly, many experts believe that the average age of first exposure to pornography has dropped to age 8.
Chances are, even your younger children may already know what pornography is, even if they don't know the proper name for it. Undoubtedly they've seen ads or billboards that aren't formally categorized as pornography, but clearly promote the same messages. The sooner you talk to your child about pornography and inappropriate images, the more you can shape how he or she reacts when confronted with them.
As with any difficult topic, you will want to use discretion when discussing pornography with your child.
Rob Jackson, a Christian therapist who counsels pornography addicts, recommends being straightforward with your child, as he was with his two children:
"My wife and I try to maintain an intimate, trustworthy relationship with our children about a variety of topics," Jackson said. "This ongoing dialogue allows us to say to our children:
We've already talked with you some about sex education, now we want to tell you about the dangers of pornography.
Here's the gist of what we've said to our 10- and 7-year-old children:
Pornography can be pictures, stories, or movies that involve unnecessary immodesty -- maybe even nudity. Whenever you encounter it, we want you to remember our love for you and run away from it. This stuff is highly addictive, maybe even worse than alcohol or drugs. It tells lies about God's design and plan for sexuality."
Teaching Modesty
Jackson said one simple way to prepare your child for exposure to pornography is to develop his or her natural sense of modesty. It is easy to explain even to a young child why people wear clothes. Most children have no difficulty understanding that some parts of their bodies -- those covered by a modest bathing suit -- are more special and private than other parts, such as hands, arms and legs.
Encouraging modesty in your child helps prepare him or her to recognize when others are not behaving modestly. Pornographic material and much of standard TV (even many children's cartoons) clearly violate a natural sense of modesty.
Don't be afraid to ask your child to talk to you about immodesty when he or she sees it. By approaching this as a normal interaction between you and your child, you can prepare your child to easily and comfortably tell you when he or she sees something problematic.
If the thought of these conversations make you uncomfortable, consider this: by establishing this routine with your child, he or she will be much more likely to alert you when exposed to something harmful. Too many parents have no idea if their child has been exposed to pornography because neither they nor their child have established a way to bring it up or talk about it.
In addition, initiating these types of discussions can lead to many fruitful teaching moments that will reinforce God's design for sexuality in your child's mind.
Conversation Starters
Jackson advocates clear, straightforward instruction to help your child know what to do when confronted with pornography. He suggests some of the following conversation starters:
- "There are a lot of inappropriate pictures and statements made in our culture, so you'll want to be prepared so that you can respond appropriately."
- "Whenever you see or hear something you're not sure about -- let's talk. I'll help you find the answers."
- "Even when you're not looking for it, you may still be exposed to pornography. If this happens, you're likely to have a mix of emotions: excitement, surprise, fear, embarrassment, curiosity, and shame. But remember, we love you and want to help you think through this difficult experience."
- "If someone offers you pornography, remember what we've taught you, leave quickly, and tell us about your experience as soon as possible."
- "When you see someone dressed immodestly, guard your heart by turning away from what you see. If what you see is attractive, just remember that God has designed this attraction for marriage."
- "From the moment you're faced with a sexual temptation, talk to Christ in your prayers. He will understand what's happening and help you make good decisions."
For information about discussing pornorgraphy with older children and teens:
Related Articles
Healthy Childhood Sexual Development: An Overview
— by Daniel Weiss
Daniel Weiss is senior analyst for media and sexuality at Focus on the Family.
Rob Jackson is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice who specializes in intimacy disorders, including sex addiction and codependency. He also speaks nationally on a variety of topics, including intimacy with God and family. (www.ChristianCounsel.com)
Do you have thoughts, questions, advice on this topic? Post your stories and comments in the forum for other parents to respond to. Enter the forum now.
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