The best defense against the hazards of pornography is a good offense. If we want to know how to talk to our children about deviations from God's design for sex, we better understand it ourselves!
Oftentimes we are more familiar with the "don'ts" than we are the "do's."
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Unfortunately, apart from knowing that sex should be kept within the confines of marriage, many Christian parents aren't really sure what the Bible teaches about sex. And oftentimes we are more familiar with the "don'ts" than we are the "do's."
So, in addition to teaching children God's boundaries for sex, which will protect them from harm and heartache, they must also have a compelling vision for why God created sex and how He intends for us to steward it.
Perhaps the most important thing you can do when talking to your child about pornography is to know and live God's design personally. When you model a healthy Christian understanding of sexuality in the home -- in your conversations, relationships and media habits -- you also establish an important standard for your children.
Single Parents
If you are a single parent and are unable to model a healthy marital relationship in your home, you can still model healthy femininity or masculinity for your child, and verbally affirm the opposite gender. You should speak positively about both genders, and the need for each in the family and in the world. Most importantly, you should affirm your child's gender by describing to him or her all its positive attributes.
Be open and honest with your child about unique family situations; help him or her understand that we live in an imperfect world and sometimes we can't/don't always follow God's design. Nevertheless, the design still exists, and striving to follow it should be his or her ultimate goal. When you teach your child God's plan for sexuality, he or she will be better able to recognize portrayals of sexuality that do not honor or conform to this plan.
In broken homes, parents can still affirm God's good created order, but they should also speak realistically about the effects of sin in the world and in the family in particular. This can and should be done without harming a child's relationship to the estranged parent.
Resources to Help You Understand God's Design
Focus on the Family has created the following resources to help you as a parent better understand God's design for sexuality:
Once you have a firm understanding of God's design for sexuality, you can move on to the following discussions, based on your child's age:
