...pornography becomes a building block in a child's mental and emotional development.

Pornography -- What's the Harm?

While society still seems to be grappling with the question, "Why is pornography harmful?", it has become abundantly clear in recent years that pornography can destroy individuals, families, and ultimately society.

Based on a number of studies conducted in the last 25 years, we have learned:

• Pornography is addictive and the addiction is progressive. A porn addict, when no longer stimulated by "mainstream" porn, will seek out in ever-increasing frequency materials that are considered more deviant, more perverse. Ultimately, even the most hard-core types of pornography become unsatisfying, and many addicts are compelled to bring their fantasies to life in the real world. ²
• Pornography destroys marriages and families. Two-thirds of the divorce lawyers attending a 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers said excessive interest in online porn contributed to more than half of the divorces they handled that year. They also said pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years earlier.³
• When children are exposed to pornography, it creates an unhealthy view of human sexuality. Ralph DiClemente, a behavioral scientist at Emory University, described the danger of this exposure. He said, "[Children] can't just put [porn] into their worldview, because they don't have one."⁴ He went on to explain that pornography becomes a building block in a child's mental and emotional development. When pornography becomes a filter through which the rest of life is understood, serious damage occurs.
• There is a correlation between exposure to pornography and sexually deviant behavior by children.⁵ According to one study, early exposure to pornography (under the age of 14) is related to greater involvement in deviant sexual practices, particularly rape.⁶ In addition, studies suggest that exposure to pornography can prompt kids to act out sexually against younger, smaller, more vulnerable children.⁷
• Many children want to "try out" some of the things they see in pornographic images. A U.S. study of teenagers exposed to "hard core" pornography showed that "Two-thirds of males and 40 percent of females reported wanting to try out some of the behaviors they had viewed." In addition, 31 percent of males and 18 percent of females admitted doing some of the sexual things they had seen in pornographic images within a few days after exposure.⁸

What to Say to Your Child

Despite the growing threat that pornography presents, many parents still cringe when they consider discussing the subject with their children.

But talking to your child about pornography doesn't need to be frightening, uncomfortable, or even feel unnatural. With some guidance, and perhaps some adjustments in your own thinking, you will be well on your way to having an open, honest conversation with your child about one of life's most unpleasant realities.

The groundwork for this type of conversation should be laid preferably when your child is young and has been given a healthy understanding of God's design for the human body and human relationships. Once your child understands this design, you can be intentional about identifying and discussing deviations from the Christian understanding of sexuality.

However, if your child is already an adolescent, or nearing adolescence, and this early framework has not been laid, it's not too late. Keep in mind, however, that at this stage your efforts will be more akin to triage than preventative medicine. If your child has already reached adolescence, statistically he or she is likely to have already been exposed to porn in some form or to negative messages about sexuality that is pervasive in popular media. This increases the need for intervention -- immediately -- to dismantle some ideas about sexuality that may have already developed.

As you prepare for an in-depth discussion with your child about the dangers of pornography, it is important to also consider your own past. The way you have handled your own sexual issues may affect what you share (or don't share) with your child. An honest assessment of your past is not always easy, but it can be critical to helping your child understand God's amazing design for sexuality, rather than the perverse and distorted view foisted upon him or her by pornographers. Being prepared and having these informed conversations are the best and most lasting protection you can offer as a parent.

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