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Development Topics
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child
One has to wonder why so many “experts” on parenting have failed to notice that
some children are tougher to raise than others. One would never get that impression
from reading the advice offered by this army of permissive psychologists, counselors,
pediatricians, psychiatrists, and columnists for women’s magazines, who are convinced
that raising kids is as simple as falling off a log. All
parents need to do, they have been saying for decades, is give them a lot
of space, treat them like adults, and if absolutely necessary, explain every now
and then why they might want to consider behaving better.
Any concentration on love to the exclusion of control usually breeds disrespect and contempt.
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How nice it would be if that were true. Unfortunately, this rosy view is cruel
nonsense. It leaves Mom and Dad with the impression that every other parent
in the world finds it easy to lead children, and those who are having
trouble with it are miserable failures. In most cases, it is not fair and it
is not true.
Healthy parenting can be boiled down to those two essential ingredients: love
and control. They must operate in a system of checks and balances. Any concentration
on love to the exclusion of control usually breeds disrespect and contempt.
Conversely, an authoritarian and oppressive home atmosphere is deeply resented
by the child who feels unloved or even hated. The objective for the toddler
years is to strike a balance between mercy and justice, affection and authority,
love and control.
— Dr. James Dobson
Adapted from The
New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James C. Dobson.
Copyright © 2004,
Tyndale House Pubishers. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
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