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Development Topics
Talking to Your Child About the Facts of Life
Get a Vision
The goal I have for my son is for him not only to remain abstinent until marriage, but also for him to have a pure heart and mind. I want to instill within him the importance of loving and cherishing one woman for life and, eventually, loving and leading his children toward a life of purity as well.
This is my vision for my son, and with it comes the responsibility of asking myself crucial life questions:
- What foundation do I need to lay during my son’s formative elementary years?
- What messages do I communicate within my home about love and respect for my spouse?
- Does my son know that his future mate is in God’s hands?
- Does he have a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on others?
- Does he practice self-control now so he has a better chance of protecting himself during his teen years?
Another question to consider as a parent is the topic of dating. Settling this issue during the elementary years can actually determine the expectations your child may have when he’s a teenager. Weigh the options and decide if your child will be allowed to date at a certain age, or if he will embrace the courtship concept (with a focus on dating selectively as preparation toward marriage).
Making this decision ahead of time can influence the entertainment choices you make with your child — movies and television. For example, if your child is watching a “tween” show with two 13-year-olds talking about dating, you might say: “These kids are way too young to be thinking about dating. That’s why we’re allowing you to date at 17.” Or, if you have decided that courtship is the best option for your child, you might say: “These kids are way too young to be thinking about dating. You’re free of that stress because you’re waiting for the husband/wife God has for you.”
Ask questions that keep your child thinking about the power and nature of his relationships. Take advantage of teachable moments — driving by billboards, reading magazines, seeing TV advertisements — to make value-laden points. Eventually, your child will develop his own media “smarts” in discerning cultural messages about relationships.
We could all learn from Disney when it comes to communicating with children. Kids learn best with small pieces of information. This means imparting the same messages about love, purity and marriage in a variety of ways over and over again — rather than a one-time “talk.” When your goal is to create a vision of purity and marriage, you tend to be more intentional about conversations, media literacy and daily interactions with friends.
— Amy Stephens
Last updated: May 2005
Do you have thoughts, questions, advice on this topic? Post your stories and comments in the forum for other parents to respond to. Enter the forum now.
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