What is it that causes so much pain to young people between 12 and 20 years of age? It’s a feeling of hopelessness we call “inferiority.” It’s that awful awareness that nobody likes you, that you’re not as good as other people, that you’re a failure, a loser, a personal disaster; that you’re ugly, or unintelligent, or don’t have as much ability as someone else. It’s that depressing feeling of worthlessness.
Beauty, intelligence and money are the three attributes valued most highly in our society.
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As young people grow up in our society today, there are three things they feel they must have to feel good about themselves. The first of these is physical attractiveness. Did you know that approximately 80 percent of teenagers don’t like the way they look? No matter how minor the physical “problem” is, it can create anxiety and depression.
One of the most damaging games played by teenagers is to come up with unkind nicknames that draw attention to anything different about a person. In this way they put a spotlight on the feature that the victim most wants to hide.
The second characteristic that young people don’t like about themselves is that they feel unintelligent. This feeling often begins during early school years when they have trouble learning in school. The more often a student fails in school, the more discouraged he is likely to become — especially if his classmates, teachers or parents get impatient with him or resort to calling him stupid or lazy.
The third value that young people use to measure their worth is money. They think the wealthy family is more important than the poor one. To be accepted and popular they have to dress a certain way, or their family has to have a certain kind of car or live in a particular neighborhood. The young person who can’t afford to wear the latest style in clothes feels inadequate.
Beauty, intelligence and money are the three attributes valued most highly in our society. When junior high students first discover that they are lacking in one (or all three), they begin sliding downward in despair.
If your tween/teen already feels badly about life — or if you’re concerned about the challenges he will face in the coming years — learn how you can build his confidence so he can overcome the agony of inferiority.
— Dr. James Dobson
This article was adapted from Preparing for Adolescence: How to Survive the Coming Years of Change by Dr. James Dobson with the permission of Gospel Light/Regal Books (Ventura, CA 93003). Copyright 1989.
