Q: My 3-year-old and almost 5-year-old both suck their thumbs and fingers. I remind them over and over not to do it, but they get so upset about it. I tell them how babyish it looks.
A: Let me give you several principles. One: Talk doesn’t work. You can say, “Don’t put your finger in your mouth,” 10,000 times and that will not change a thing. Secondly, it’s better to not make a big deal about it until you’re ready to make an all-out assault on the problem.
Rather than just kind of nagging them, it’s better to sit down with the 5-year-old (I wouldn’t worry about the 3-year-old for the moment) and say, “Now I’m going to tell you why Mommy’s been concerned about your thumb sucking. It causes your teeth to push out, and you don’t want that. You don’t want to go through elementary school with your teeth crooked.
“Also, other children are going to tease you next year. You see, you’re going to be going to kindergarten pretty quickly and thumb sucking is a sign of babyishness. I’m only concerned about it because I don’t want you to go through that. I don’t want the other kids laughing at you or calling you names. So we’re going to break you of it. It’s going to make you uncomfortable for a little while, but you’re going to get over it. You’ll be glad you did.”
Give him two or three days to think about it. Then make an all-out assault on several levels –– both positive and negative. Tape his fingers together so they feel rough in the mouth, and put hot pepper on the tape so that the taste turns him off.
For the positive reinforcement, put a chart on the refrigerator where you can put some stars. For every 30 minutes that he can go without putting his fingers in his mouth or trying to take off the tape, let him put a star on the chart. When he gets a certain number of stars, give him a new toy or take him to play miniature golf.
Don’t just sort of play at it, go at it –– but remove as much negativity as you can. Don’t accuse him of things, punish him or criticize him. Be positive. Even if he screams, hang tough. It’s better to go at it for two or three days like this and overcome it than it is to complain about it until he begins to get the idea that there’s something wrong with him.
