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Development Topics
Toddlerhood — Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions
Anger About Clothes
Q: My 4-year-old daughter battles me every time she has to get dressed. She won’t wear anything but jeans with pockets. She throws tantrums and grunts and groans — especially on Sunday mornings when we’re getting ready for church.
A: What’s really interesting to me is that children enjoy power plays. I think you would be wise to back up about 12 to 14 hours, maybe 24 hours, and see if you can’t head it off.
Say, “Jennifer, listen. Tomorrow morning is Sunday, and you remember what’s been going on these past Sunday mornings. Now I’m laying out what you are going to wear tomorrow. You are my daughter and I am your mother.
“Some day you will make choices about what you wear, and some day I will be glad to let you make those choices. But right now, you are 4 years old, and you must do what I tell you to do. Here it is. I’m laying it out. Now if we’re going to fight about it, let’s fight right now. Because if you fight with me tomorrow morning, I’m not even going to talk to you. I’m going to spank you. Do you understand me?”
Take charge and assume leadership. If she is absolutely confident that you will do it, then there is nothing to be gained by pushing you that far. When you’re dealing with the will of a child, it’s crucial for you to square your shoulders back and not get frustrated or angry. Make it clear to her that you’re in charge. What you’re doing is drawing boundaries. If she fights you on those areas, deliver on the promise.
Do you have thoughts, questions, advice on this topic? Post your stories and comments in the forum for other parents to respond to. Enter the forum now.
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