Q: Should a parent try to force a child to eat?
A: No. In fact, the dinner table is one potential battlefield where a parent can easily
get ambushed. You can’t win there! A strong-willed child is like a good military
general who constantly seeks an advantageous place to take on the enemy. He need
look no farther than the dinner table. Of all the common points of conflict between
generations—bedtime, hair, clothes, schoolwork, etc.—the advantages in a food
fight are all in the child’s favor! Three times a day, a very tiny youngster can simply
refuse to open his mouth. No amount of coercing can make him eat what he
doesn’t want to eat.
I remember one three-year-old who was determined not to eat his green peas,
despite the insistence of his father that the squishy little vegetables were going
down. It was a classic confrontation between the irresistible force and an immovable
object. Neither would yield. After an hour of haranguing, threatening, cajoling,
and sweating, the father had not achieved his goal. The tearful toddler sat with
a forkload of peas pointed ominously at his sealed lips.
Finally, through sheer intimidation, the dad managed to get one bite of peas in
place. But the lad wouldn’t swallow them. I don’t know everything that went on
afterward, but the mother told me they had no choice but to put the child to bed
with the peas still in his mouth. They were amazed at the strength of his will.
The next morning, the mother found a little pile of mushy peas where they had
been expelled at the foot of the bed! Score one for Junior, none for Dad. Tell me in
what other arena a thirty-pound child could whip a grown man!
Not every toddler is this tough, of course. But many of them will gladly do battle
over food. It is their ideal power game. Talk to any experienced parent or grandparent
and they will tell you this is true. The sad thing is that these conflicts are unnecessary.
Children will eat as much as they need if you keep them from indulging
in the wrong stuff. They will not starve. I promise!
The way to deal with a poor eater is to set good food before him. If he claims to not
be hungry, wrap the plate, put it in the refrigerator, and send him cheerfully on his
way. He’ll be back in a few hours. God has put a funny little feeling in his tummy
that says, “Gimme food!” When this occurs, do not put sweets, snacks, or confectionery
food in front of him. Simply retrieve the earlier meal, warm it up, and serve it
again. If he protests, send him out to play again. Even if twelve hours or more go by,
continue this procedure until food—all food—begins to look and smell wonderful.
From that time forward, the battle over the dinner table should be history.
