What is less understood is that when we tip the scales the other way — toward a dominant love that makes confrontation and discipline impossible — we cause equally severe difficulties.

Recent books on child-rearing or parenting put an emphasis on making sure a child knows he's loved, giving time to the child, serving the child, being with the child. All those things are true, but there are very few warnings that if you go too far in that direction — and there's no discipline to accompany it — a child will ironically learn to dislike himself.

When the scales are off-balance, regardless of the direction, you can produce an overdependency within your children that handicaps them emotionally. They become ill equipped to resolve conflict and confront the realities of life on their own. As a result, they develop low self-confidence and a warped sense of what the world and relationships are like.

How does overprotection start? It usually stems from anxiety over unresolved issues in the parents’ past, such as a tragedy or rejection from their own family or peers. To shield their children from the pain they endured, parents will typically overprotect — or produce overdependence within — their children by not allowing them to experience life in these areas:

• decision-making, life skills and age-appropriate freedom

• confliction resolution and rejection by peers