According to Dr. Richard Eley of Emmaus Ministries: “Learning personal responsibility means that you and you alone are responsible for what you do. Mediocrity and failure can often be traced to a lack of personal responsibility. Parents helping in the self-development of their children need to place around them a structure to create ‘good’ behavior — so that the child will develop a healthy value system.”

When your child was a baby, you probably greeted each toddle with heartfelt applause. However, if you continue to praise at this level, your child may become dependent on unqualified, positive feedback and be disappointed when their teachers, coaches and other authority figures do not heap the same kind of praise on them. A casual criticism from a teacher can send a sensitive child who is used to being “the best” into a downward spiral.

A casual criticism from a teacher can send a sensitive child who is used to being “the best” into a downward spiral.

As your child grows older and approaches school age, you should modify your praise to compliment the effort rather than the end product. Instead of saying, “That’s the best picture I have ever seen,” stress the positive energy that went into creating the latest masterpiece.

By focusing on the effort, you will help your child transition into the real world where self-motivation is essential to success and where a job well done is often appreciated but very rarely rejoiced over. Here are some phrases you can modify:

• Change “You’re the best basketball player” to “I can’t believe you made that shot. You must have been practicing!”

• Change “Nobody’s a better artist than you!” to “That’s really creative. Look at all the different colors in this picture.”

• Change “You’re the world’s No. 1 sister” to “I am so proud of the way you helped your little sister. You made her feel really good.”