One of the most important ways in which children learn about healthy (and unhealthy) emotional expression is by observation. Basically, they do what they see. Let’s look at what the following two children learned by observing their parents’ behavior.
The story of Michael:
Michael comes home from work, eats dinner with the family and then sits down to watch TV. He growls at Hannah, 8 years old, when she stands in front of the TV while trying to tell him something. He later gets frustrated when his satellite stops working and the TV goes blank. He bangs on the TV set, throws the remote on the floor and stomps off to bed.
The next day, Michael observes Hannah becoming upset because she can’t find a piece to her favorite puzzle. After looking briefly, she gives up and throws the remaining pieces onto the floor. Michael scolds her for “giving up too fast” and for having a “bad temper.”
The story of John:
John comes home from work, eats dinner with the family and sits down to watch TV. When his daughter, 8-year-old Sarah, asks him a question during the climax of his favorite show, he asks her to wait until the commercial. During the commercial he patiently answers Sarah’s question.
When John’s satellite goes on the blink, he becomes frustrated and mutters aloud, “I get so mad at this thing. It never works. Let’s see if I can fix it.” He continues to narrate each move he makes while fixing the satellite, unaware that Sarah is listening.
The next day he witnesses Sarah trying to put a puzzle together. He notices that she is quietly talking herself through finding the right pieces, saying, “I can’t find where this piece goes. I’m so mad. Let’s try the next one.”
Like John, make sure you manage your emotions in a way you’d like to see repeated by your child.
