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Development Topics
Your Child’s Emotions
Connect with Your Child
To connect with our children, we must understand their emotions and experience those emotions with them. Let’s see how one mother, Sheri, spent her morning connecting with her 5-year-old son, Nicholas.
7 a.m. — Nicholas wakes up screaming. Sheri runs to Nicholas and holds him tight. “You sound scared. What’s wrong?” she asks. But Nicholas doesn’t respond; he just cries. Sheri continues to hold him until he calms down, saying, “Whatever it is, you’re really sad. I’m here for you.” Soon, Nicholas stops crying and asks for breakfast.
What Sheri did right: Sheri acknowledged Nicholas’s feelings. Instead of telling Nicholas to stop crying, Sheri labeled Nicholas’s feeling and allowed him the chance to express that feeling. Nicholas sensed that it was okay to be sad and scared. Nicholas will likely feel free to express these feelings in the future.
9 a.m. — Nicholas is watching his favorite cartoon and has turned up the volume to an excruciating pitch. He laughs and dances while the characters sing. Sheri joins in and dances alongside him. She hugs him and then goes back to sweeping the kitchen.
What Sheri did right: Sheri could have scolded Nicholas for turning up the television or she could have just ignored him. Instead, Sheri recognized Nicholas’s happiness and she joined him in it. This short interaction strengthens their bond. Nicholas feels loved and understood.
11 a.m. — Nicholas is playing with a friend, Jacob. Jacob pushes Nicholas off his bike, and Nicholas pushes him back. Sheri steps in and tells Nicholas, “It’s not okay to hit Jacob. That hurts.” “But he pushed me first,” says Nicholas. Sheri tells Jacob the same and takes Nicholas aside. She tells him, “Nicholas, I know you’re mad. It upsets you when Jacob pushes you. You need to tell him not to push because pushing hurts.”
What Sheri did right: Sheri focused on Nicholas’s negative behavior while validating his feelings. She connected with Nicholas by letting him know that it was okay to experience anger but not to hurt others.
Do you have thoughts, questions, advice on this topic? Post your stories and comments in the forum for other parents to respond to. Enter the forum now.
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